thinking back about all of it

I don't remember missing anything while in CT and off I flew to Madison, WI a year ago. I had 2 days of laughter and testing nearly every coffee shop in the city.

On to Portland, OR I felw. I recall thinking my bobbs were rather sore & that I'd be getting it very soon, but in that same moment wondering if ther was any possibility I could be pregnant and yet again in that some moment thinking noway , not me!

On to Washington, DC for another few days where I don't recall thinking abiut it at all and down to West Palm Beach, where I remember thinking the heat was making me sick to my stomach. But again not thinking I oculod be pregant, yet knowing when clothes shopping that my boobs hurt & clothes felt strange.

Driving down to Key West, I felt car sick, which is strange as normally I'm fine if I'm driving. Got to Key West and again heat made me knackered & slightly not hungry, but heat as the affect so no biggy right? Drank margos and chatted with my dear friend Miss B about moving for my new job & my fresh start with the job.

Somewhere along the way on route one northbound I pulled over to put the top up on teh convertible I'd rented for the week when I felt rather sick & suddenly it hit me, I was probably prgnan.

Still to this day, about a year later me saying that sounds "weird". Me, miss responsible, miss always got ti togheter, miss adventure, miss noboyd's gonna stop me now, me, meiss pregant with a baby & no real father to speak of that's not to say he was unknown, or unsupportive, but our relationship status left much to be desired (aka very unknown).

Flying abck into Bradley, M picked me up and we drove home to A&J's house. We fell right back into our normal routeine, since he had to work the next day. But just before nodding off I spoke up & to be turthful I'm not sure what/how I said it - I slightly, recall me saying I had something timportant I was worried about & during a pause he said are you pregnant. Buf those details maybe incorrect as muchy of these few weeks now seems to be a blur!

I left the following mornign to head to my sis' and get ready for Thanksgiving with my friend PC and his family. On my way to grab a sweater for turkey day, I grabbed a pregnancy test. After eating 1/2 bowl of mach & cheese before feeelings ick, I couldn't wait any longer so I read the instructions & peed on the stick only to watch it instantly got + but I left it the full 5 mins ya know in case . . . same + then as well!

The shock was over whelming - pregnant - who do I call? what do I say? Should I cancel on thanksgiving palns or try to limp through?

I cried myself to sleep that night while watching Grey's Anatomy.

Next morning I called SM and told her & asked for her advice - she offered full support but only had the same 3 options I had come up with already (keep it, give it up, abortion)

Next I called M to tell him the thing I worried about was a reality, now maybe that was unfair to surprise him with teh news on a holiday only hours before he was going to see his family but I needed to hear his voice & his reaction - which was similar to mine disbelife this was happening to us, but that he'd support me whatever I chose.

Is now the right time?

How do you know when the time is right? Are we ever ready for it? Morgages, credit card bills, insurance costs, car payments, taxes, tuition payments, over due loans . . . does it ever stop?

No, so when do you decide the "right time" is?

After the credit card is paid off?
After I graduate from college?
After the summer house is paid off?

You can't time it, even if you tried, extra bils are always piling up. You just have to feel positive in your decision and then go full stead ahead. There will always be days when you wish you hadn't but with suppoer and flove from family & friends you'll always pull thorugh
Just look around people do it every day & they're still "making it".

But if you have any doubt, regrets, or miss placed feelings, feel free to take the alternative route, because in reality people are doing that every day as well and "making it" just the same.
Who are we to say it's right, we're not going to be there at 3am when you're exhuasted, alone & feeling helpess - those are the moments when you need to know you made the best deicsion for YOU, at that moment in time.