M and his friend "Meli"

So after writing all this nice stuff about M yesterday, I had offered to help him set up a paperless billing with VW online, so I set up a user name for him & they said they were going to send a text message with the password, so when I got home last night after food shopping, M was in the shower & I just grabbed his phone (thinking nothing of it) and looked for the password txt message. To my surprise there were 4 messages from "Meli". I totally lost it. Who the hell is "Meli"? What is their relationship? Infamously a "What if" popped into my head, what if he is dating her & me at the same time?

First off I felt HORRIBLE about going into his phone without his permission, I was not trying to snoop, I just stupidly thought he wouldn't have any txt messages since his took the basic plan without txt messages, I just was trying to get the password, so I could set this all up without his help since he HATES this sort of stuff. (we've know each other for 2 years now & we talk about just about everything, or so I thought . . .)

While I have his phone in hand he walks into the bedroom to grab something & I sputter,
"did you get a txt today with a password?" and hand him the phone.
"Oh yeah, do you need it?"
"Yeah let me get a pen [fumbling around in my purse] I can't do this right now" and I head upstairs because I have heard the phone ring & am 90% sure it is my sister who's on her way over for dinner later. A hands me the phone & some of M's mail & I hastily head back down stairs to our bedroom.

I am shaking uncontrollably - my mind is racing so fast I don't have a clue what I'm even thinking (probably a lot of "what ifs") I quickly jot down, "Who is Meli I'm sorry I looked in your phone but I needed the password & I didn't know how to get it so I opened first message & saw message about you visiting this weekend, I can't even write right now" on a paper, toss it on the bed next to me & throw my face into my hands. The shower water stops, the door opens. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed still with my face in my hands & can barely even cry I am so lost. M sits next to me, rubs my back, "What do you want to say?"
"It's . . . on the . . . paper" He reads it, gets up & gets me a tissue since my nose is now running uncontrollably & I have a few tears welling up in my eyes.

The sequence of the next few events are jumbled but the bottom line is Meli is a girl he met a few months before I came home. He's visited her once before while I was home (weekend after Thanksgiving - after I told him about the pregnancy). And he's going to see her this weekend when he visits his parents. He didn't want to tell me b/c he thought I was going back to London & he's not sure where their relationship is going and he didn't want to stop it till I left. (originally I was only going to be home for a month)

He apologises for not telling me & admits that J knows but that A doesn't. He also tells me his parents know a little bit about her. I now feel like the town idiot. Everyone knew but me & everyone decided to lie about it for him. I'm hurt by this and amazingly not really upset with him. I almost feel relieved that he's dating other people b/c that was what we had agreed on, I guess I just didn't think it was going to be until after I was gone.

• What if he's been sleeping with both of us
• What if I'd not gone back to London - would he have told me then
• What if I'd asked more specifically about other girls - I just assumed I was
• What if he'd told me, would I have let "us" get this close again
• What if I'd found out from someone else

So I'm not sure what else to say, there is a lot of confusion in my head & I'm not ready to hate him & give up on him, which probably complicates things even more. Obviously, M & I need to sit down, talk more about this, and hopefully come up with a solution that we are both happy with or at a minimum we can both live with.

All I know for sure right now is that I still love him & I know he still loves me because at 9.30am he called on his coffee break just to tell me that he loves me.